2010, yet I don't feel any different. Yes there have been many wonderful developments and changes in my life but sometimes I feel I can't keep up. I'm definitely older but am I wiser, hmm... I'll get back to you on that, ha ha. I'm currently in a place where I want to be no longer the spectator in my life but the participant. I want to do so many things but at the same time I feel guilty for wanting those things...
For those of you that don't know my beloved father has been battling cancer for 3 years... wow cliche as it sounds, these 3 years have gone by fast. My life has been consumed by doctors appointments, chemotherapy treatments, hours, days, and months in the hospital helping my parents out. I'm not complaining, much of this has been done voluntarily on my part and I don't regret it in any shape or form. This is why I write that I feel guilty for wanting to try and do so many things, I feel I need to be the good daughter and sacrifice more for my ailing Dad.
I'm the youngest daughter of 8 children and still am very much inexperienced and maybe in a way selfish, I want to travel and knit and finish school, and plant a garden but I can't start those things without feeling remorse that I'm putting my wants and needs first before those of my family.
Is life challenging yes, will the sun come out tomorrow? Maybe. Are there new chances for me to take? Will 2010 bring a new me? In a way I hope so and in another way I wish I could just pull the blankets over my head and hit the snooze button on reality and enjoy the dreams of no pain and sadness...
I have to believe tomorrow will be better and just take it one minute at a time and one day at a time, because otherwise it's just to scary and too painful.
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